After the Shock

The day goes by like a shadow o'er the heart,
With sorrow, where all was delight.
Stephen Foster

Many people believe that the initial shock and numbness following the death of a loved one constitutes the entire grief process, but this is only the start. As the reality of the death sinks in, shock and disbelief give way to growing awareness. With awareness, the real pain of grieving begins.

As we allow ourselves the time and space to grieve, we gain perspective on the loss. Suppression of emotions may prolong grief in some, but not everyone heals through open expression of feelings. We each must find our own way to grieve. With time, we adapt to life without our loved one.

Immediately after the death of a loved one, however, it seems like nothing will make us feel better. Acute grief feels like it will last forever and will erode us with pain in the process. They say that time heals, but in the midst of grief, we wonder how it will ever become less intense.

This is why it is important to consider support from others we trust. People who care about us want to help us feel better, but they may be unsure of how to act or what to say. Attempts to help may or may not work. Click
All the Wrong Places for the risks of sharing the pain of grief with strangers.

For a look at the well-meaning, but unhelpful, comments people make to the newly bereaved, visit
Good Intentions, Unhelpful Remarks.

Emotional, spiritual and physical support can come from anywhere, but sometimes in the midst of our grief, it may be difficult to ask for the support we need, or we may be unable to accept help when it is offered. Isolation from friends and family can intensify the pain. Refer to
An Act of Courage for information on grief support programs, both online and off, and A Change of Heart for a different perspective on grief.

Go to next pagePanic, Insomnia and Nightmares 

Summer  2015


My E-mail:


I'll be away for a while... 
I am unable to make monthly updates or read and respond to any E-mail this summer. I hope to resume by fall. While I'm away, please visit a well moderated grief healing discussion group. It is free to use but requires registration to participate. I am not part of this group, but certified grief counselors are there to help, support and comfort grievers and those who love them.
My web hosting company works hard to keep you safe while you visit this site but there are no guarantees in the world of sophisticated cybercrime. I choose my outside links with care, but I cannot ensure the safety of third party sites.
Your Windows computer needs virus, spyware and malware protection. Purchase and install protective software on your computer and update it on a regular basis. (Apple includes this automatically with its devices and Safari is a secure browser.) NEVER open attachments from senders that you do not know. 
From personal experience, I believe the Windows browser Explorer 11 has security issues. If you have a Windows computer, try Firefox for safer, faster browsing. Free download.  I do not profit from suggesting Firefox. I only want you to be safe on the Internet.

How complicated and individual mending is, the time required for healing
cannot be measured against any fixed calendar
. Mary Jane Moffat
© Copyright 2008 - 2015 Christine Jette. All rights reserved.