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Nobody expects a person who has undergone major surgery to bounce back the next day as if nothing happened.
Yet when people experience traumatic personal loss, they are expected to do just that--get right on with business as usual,
even while they are "bleeding to death" inside.
The least helpful thing we can do over the long haul
is to ignore the loss, or act like nothing has happened. Business is not usual for our grieving friends. Everything
has changed. Our friendships may change, too, and we need to be patient with the evolution.
It is not easy to help
someone we love who is grieving. We need a real desire to understand our grieving friend's experience. It takes a lot of courage
to enter our friend's pain and suffering because the terrain is filled with rugged hills and valleys.
Because we
cannot "fix" things, we can best help the one who grieves by being ourselves. When we are genuine, our friend will
feel safe in sharing thoughts and feelings. As we stay true to our own feelings and vulnerabilities, we know that we are human
and we will make mistakes. We can appreciate our humanity as we learn about our own limitations and strengths in the process.
It is our relationships that give our lives true meaning. When we are there for a grieving friend, we are companions
on one of life's most difficult journeys. We have nurtured a loving relationship and helped another human being heal through
compassion. What a wonderful gift to give to, or receive from, a friend.
To explore grief and friendship from
a mourner's perspective, please visit Fair Weather Friends. Go to next page, Love in Action: Helping Your Grieving Friend
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