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Bereavement comes from the Old English word 'berafian' which means to rob or to plunder. When we lose
someone we care about, we are deprived of their companionship. Our lives are thrown into disarray. Bereavement refers to the
condition caused by loss through death and can persist for weeks or years.
Grief comes from the Latin word 'gravis'
which means heavy. It is a normal reaction to loss that knows no socioeconomic or cultural boundaries. When faced with the
death of someone we love, most of us are surprised at how powerful and painful the feelings are. The pain can be intense,
severe and indescribable. As with those who suffer burns, the painful healing takes a long time and the scars remain. Yet,
while the emotions of grief hurt, grieving is the coping process which leads to healing.
The word mourn is derived
from the Old English word 'murnan' which means to express grief. Mourning refers to the ways societies and cultures tell us
to behave in response to loss through death, including the funeral period. Examples of mourning are sending flowers to the
funeral home, attending a wake or calling hours, donating money to a charity in memory of the loved one, creating a memorial of cards, candles, flowers and teddy bears; or sharing a meal with friends and family after the
funeral service.
Mourning also refers to what we do within ourselves to transform our relationship to the one
who has died. We have cared about a person when they were present. What happens to that caring when they are gone? Can we
still care, only in different ways? As we search for answers to these questions, we mourn. Both grieving and mourning are
processes that accommodate to the loss.
To summarize, bereavement is the condition of our lives brought about
by loss, mourning is the society's accepted response (behavior, grief ritual) towards the loss, plus our internal search for answers; grief is the painful emotion of the loss,
and grieving is the process that leads to healing.
Sources:
Attig, Thomas. How We Grieve, New York: Oxford University Press, 1996, pages 8-9.
Healing and the Grief Process, Lynn Keegan, RN, editor. Boston: Delmar Publishers, 1997, pages 2-3. Go to next page: Grief Rituals
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