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There
is a proper balance between not asking enough of oneself and asking or expecting too much. May Sarton
Links for Taking Care of You
Your life changes when someone you love has a
chronic illness. As a primary caregiver, you learn to support your loved one in new and challenging ways. This is true whether
you are caring for your spouse, partner, family member or friend. Yes, it can be rewarding to care for your loved one, but
caregiving also brings difficulty. Please take some measure of comfort in the fact that there are others who know the challenges
and blessings of caregiving.
Advice from Caregivers to Caregivers:
1. Get as much help as you can, as early
as you can, for as long as you can.
It is normal to feel
a full range of emotions as you manage your new role as caregiver. You may feel deep love for the one who is ill, while
still experiencing sadness, anger or fear. At times, you may resent the effect caregiving has on your life. It is common
for emotions to fluctuate and it is important to accept all of these feelings. They are normal and represent
the varied landscape of your circumstances. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, please seek help by reaching out to
family members or friends and speak with your healthcare provider. He or she can refer you to a counselor and other support
services.
As the population
ages, there are more and more people in the caregiver role. You are not alone. Take advantage of the many resources now available
to caregivers. To get started, refer to Caregiver Resources on the previous page.
2. Ensuring your own health is the best way to take care of others.
If you are sick, or unable to function, you won’t
be able to look after the people who depend on you for support. Take time to manage your health and to refresh your mind and
spirit. This gives you the energy to perform your daily routine. Here are some basic ways to maintain your health:
Get enough
sleep. Aim for six to eight hours a day, if at all possible. Keep naps short so you can sleep at night. Limit alcohol
and caffeine. These can affect how well you sleep.
Eat right. What you eat affects how you feel. Don’t skip meals. Eat
balanced meals with whole grains, fruits and vegetables and low-fat meat and dairy products.
Exercise. Try to do
some form of physical activity that you enjoy, such as walking, at least 30 minutes a day. Break your activity into
three ten-minute sessions to make it easier.
3.
Just as you give love to so many, become willing to accept love from others.
Give others the opportunity
to take care of you. Ask family and friends to handle tasks such as errands, groceries, rides, housekeeping, laundry or meal
preparation. Begin by making a list of three chores that you must complete and then delegate one of them to another family
member. Family and friends often want to help but they don't know what you need. Tell them! They may feel better about the
situation because they are now able to help in tangible ways. Knowing that you can count on others is a relief for you. Read
more about respite care and engaging your family in the division of labor at HelpGuide.org. Scroll half way down the page for tips on encouraging family support and participation.
Make use of adult day care, respite services and home health aide programs. These provide temporary care for your loved one, when needed. Check the Internet or the phone book for organizations such as your local Visiting Nurse Association. 4. Your relative may not need (or want) you as much as you think.
When we are seriously ill, we lose independence and everything feels out
of our control. This often sets up a climate of overall irritability. Offer choices, the opportunity to stay involved, and
the occasion to use remaining abilities whenever possible. Are there things your loved one can do safely by himself such as
eating a meal or performing basic hygiene? What about small decisions such as clothing choices for the day or the time certain
activities are done? If so, step back and let him do them, even if they are small tasks done imperfectly. You both will
feel better when your loved one is involved in the decision-making of his own care.
5. Take
time for you. Your needs are important. Give yourself permission to maintain your own
life as much as possible. Take breaks from caregiving. The empty well has no water to give. Below are some simple suggestions
to break the routine and relax: Share a takeout meal with others at home or go to a restaurant. Pursue a hobby. Play cards or board games with family and friends. Create a space in your home where you can retreat when needed. Take ten minutes
to read a book or magazine before bedtime. Reading is a safe escape and often produces drowsiness. (You can watch TV but avoid
the computer at bedtime. The computer screen has a stimulating effect.) If you have a pet,
walk the dog or caress the cat. Listen to your cat purr. Studies have shown the beneficial effects of pets on the overall health of their humans. Listen to relaxing music. Buy a Walkman or ipod with ear
buds so that you can listen to music without disturbing others. Do you like to draw or write? Buy a small sketch pad or
notebook and keep it with you. Ten minutes here and ten minutes there add up. Many wonderful projects can be completed using
only short periods of time. Soak in the tub or take a long shower. Add
your own activity here. Your heart will tell you how to nurture yourself. Follow inner guidance. 6. Keep a sense of humor and your perspective.
As a registered nurse, I took care of people for a living. I have been a family
caregiver twice and there is no comparison to professional nursing. It was harder for me to care for someone I love. My husband was disabled and unable to work for two years. I was his primary caregiver.
My father was ill at home for three years before he died. During the last months of his life, I made the 260-mile round trip
once a week to give respite to my mother and sister.
During
both of these periods of care giving, things happened that bordered on the absurd. I was exhausted, distracted and not thinking
clearly. On one occasion, I couldn’t find my car keys. I knew they couldn’t be far because I had just come home
from the grocery store. I finally found them in the freezer next to the ice cream. Another time I couldn’t locate my
reading glasses because they were on my face. Yes, there was a lot to cry about during those care giving days, but I learned
to lighten up when I could.
Finding humor in a bad situation
is a shift in perception that gives you the courage to push forward even when things look grim. Laughter is the best medicine because it produces pleasant physiologic changes in the body: When something tickles your funny bone, you experience a spike
in feel-good hormones like serotonin and dopamine, while levels of the stress hormone cortisol drop. Laughter also releases
endorphins, your body's natural opiate. The positive effects of endorphins include analgesia and a sense of well-being.
Make an effort to experience something funny each day, whether it is reading the comics in the newspaper
or tuning in to your favorite talk show host at night. Watch a half-hour sitcom or read an amusing book. One genuine
laugh a day is all you need to reap its benefits. Laughter is a great tension reliever and healer when it is not done at someone
else’s expense. Overall, there is nothing funny about the circumstances that led to your care giving role, but try to
see the humor in certain situations and laugh as often as possible.
None of us is perfect. We make mistakes, learn and try again. Superman (or woman) lives only in the imagination. You
can't do it all and you will ruin your health trying. Let yourself off the hook for being human. Keep a realistic perspective
by knowing in your heart that, even on the worst of days, you are doing the very best you can.
7. Join a support group or online community for caregivers. You have probably heard the saying, "There is strength in numbers." Caregiver
support groups and online communities will let you know that you are not alone. You'll learn coping strategies and, most
importantly, meet others who understand. 8. Attend to your spiritual needs. Religion and faith-based organizations can be sources of strength and support. Reach out to a leader in your faith
community to discuss your spiritual needs. Remember that is OK to be angry at God. If leaving your loved one alone is a concern--and you feel comfortable with your spiritual adviser--ask the pastor to come
to your home. Consider the possibility that your loved one will also appreciate the visit. Source for this page: CJ's own experience
as a caregiver and StrengthforCaring.com
All the suggestions listed here are easier said than
done. They require a conscious effort on your part and may feel impossible to accomplish. You are caring for someone precious
to you but that doesn't mean caregiving is easy. Be kind to yourself as you travel this new and rocky road.
Links for Taking Care of You
TheRibbon.com: Care for Caregivers Strengthforcaring.com: Taking Care of Yourself While Caring for Others HelpGuide.org: Understand and Resolve Life's Challenges FamilyDoctor.org: Health Information for the Whole Family TimetoTalk.org: Keeping Your Kids Healthy and Drug-Free Huntsman Cancer Institute: Wellness Tips and Cancer Risk Reduction RedCross.org: Influenza Fast Facts, Prevention, Symptoms, Caregiving MayoClinic.com: First Aid Center (Information to help you during medical emergencies) Partners Against Pain.com: Alleviating Unnecessary Suffering through Education and Advocacy DrugDigest.org: DrugDigest® is a noncommercial, evidence-based, consumer health and
drug information site dedicated to empowering consumers to make informed choices about drugs and treatment options. PDRHealth.com: Drug information guide and health resources for consumers from the publishers of the Physicians' Desk Reference®. PatientAssistance.com: Helping Uninsured Patients Get Medications. Includes printable coupons for use at participating pharmacies. (Scroll to bottom of page for discount coupons.) Refer to Taking Care of You, under the topic of helping grievers, for related links. Includes information about alcoholism, mental health, and alternative
/ complementary healing resources.
I long to accomplish a great and noble task,
but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they
were great and noble.
Helen Keller
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