Take rest. The field that has rested gives a beautiful crop. Ovid
Go to Related Links Being supportive of a bereaved friend is a worthy endeavor that may drain you of energy. It is
important to attend to your own feelings and fatigue. When you take care of yourself you are better able to care for others.
Here are some suggestions to help replenish your mind, body and spirit:
Spend some time alone,
reflecting upon all that has happened. Try keeping a journal of your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, just seeing your thoughts
on paper helps with perspective.
Go for a long walk.
Listen to your favorite music.
Take
the time to be with your own family. Enjoy the experience. Laugh if you can.
Find someone to talk to who is not
involved with your grieving friend. Objectivity can be a great reassurance that you are doing the very best you can.
Meditate, read or enjoy a favorite hobby. Pray if this comforts you.
Visit a relaxing and peaceful place on
a regular basis, such as a beautiful church, art gallery, or park.
Try to eat a healthful diet and get enough
sleep. For tips on sleeping better, go to Panic, Insomnia and Nightmares.
The Long-Term Role of Caring Friend
Top
Your grieving friend is going to need your care and support as the weeks turn into months.
This is especially true when other family members and friends return to their homes, their lives and their daily routines.
The reality of death only begins to sink in after all the activities surrounding the funeral have ended. Your friend may need
to talk now more than ever, but early enthusiasm for helping your grieving friend can give way to chronic fatigue.
The following suggestions will assist you in the long term role of caring friend:
Pace yourself.
Often after a death, helpers rush forward to assist with the many tasks that need attention. Energy quickly runs out because
it is impossible to keep up with their own lives while giving so much time to grieving friends. At this point, friendships
begin to fray and families start to feel neglected.
To avert this, recognize that it takes months or even years
to grieve.(*) Decide how much of yourself you can reasonably give. Then pace yourself so that you will have the time and energy
to help your friend as long as it takes.
Create balance in your life by developing a regular schedule to visit
your friend. This may be once a week in the early stages, then every two weeks or once a month as time goes by. Your grieving
friend will appreciate knowing that on a certain day, you will be there to talk, walk, help, visit the cemetery together,
cry, or simply enjoy each other’s company.
Know your limits. Ask yourself first what you are willing to
do. Don’t do something if you would rather not. Everyone has personal limits to helping and knowing them is taking care
of you.
Sharing in your friend’s grief is more than a painful duty—it is a privilege because you are
sharing the most intimate part of that person’s life. The reward for sharing grief can be a friendship that is more
precious than ever.
As I quoted in Grievers Helping Grievers, sorrow is a matter of taking turns. The chances are good that your friend will remember all that you gave during
this time of heartache and will return the gift of love ten-fold when it is your time to grieve.
(*)Note: We never
stop grieving the death of someone we love. There will always be sadness, but the crippling aspects of new grief do become
less intense over time. Click When Does the Grieving End? to read more.
Reference for This Article:
Fitzgerald, Helen. The Mourning Handbook. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1994.
Links for Taking Care of You
General Health:
HelpGuide.org: Understand and Resolve Life's Challenges
FamilyDoctor.org: Health Information for the Whole Family
Huntsman Cancer Institute: Wellness Tips and Cancer Risk Reduction
RedCross.org: Influenza Fast Facts, Prevention, Symptoms, Caregiving
MayoClinic.com: First Aid Center (Information to help you during medical emergencies)
Partners Against Pain.com: Alleviating Unnecessary Suffering through Education and Advocacy
DrugDigest.org: DrugDigest® is a noncommercial, evidence-based, consumer health and drug information site dedicated
to empowering consumers to make informed choices about drugs and treatment options.
PDRHealth.com: Drug information guide and health resources for consumers from the publishers of the Physicians' Desk Reference®.
PatientAssistance.com: Helping Uninsured Patients Get Medications. Includes printable coupons for use at participating pharmacies. (Scroll to bottom of page for discount coupons.)
Mental Health:
The Official
Web Site of Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org Living Sober One Day At A Time
NOTE: The URL www.alcoholicsanonymous.org is not the official web site of AA and is not endorsed by the
General Service Office of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Al-Anon
Family Groups: www.al-anon.alateen.org When Your Life is Affected by Someone's Drinking
TimetoTalk.org: Provides easy-to-use guides and tips to help you have ongoing conversations with your kids to keep them healthy and drug-free.
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: www.dbsalliance.org, 1-800-826-3632
National Mental Health Association: www.nmha.org, 1-800-969- 6642
National Institute of Mental Health: www.nimh.nih.gov, 1-866- 615-6464
National Alliance
on Mental Illness: www.nami.org, 1 (800) 950-NAMI (6264)
Alternative/Complementary Healing:
National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine: Research, Herbal Medicine, Alternative/Complementary
Treatments, Precautions, Interactions, Warnings
Alternative Healing Links at Grief Healing.com
Go to
next section: December's Deep Grief
