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She's Pushing Me Away

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A visitor I will call Ellen wrote that her sister's husband had died unexpectedly just three weeks earlier. Ellen's brother-in-law had been her sister's childhood sweetheart and he was much loved by all of the family. Ellen did not know how to help her sister because she felt her sister was pushing Ellen away. What could Ellen do to support her sister?


Dear Ellen,

First, I am so sorry for the death of your beloved brother-in-law. You write that your sister is pushing you away and you do not know how to help her. Probably the most loving thing you can do is to simply let her know that you love her and you are there for her when she is ready. Sometimes the greatest gift we can give a person new to grief is the gift of time because we all grieve differently. She may not be able to talk about her profound loss right now. Meanwhile, read all you can about grief.

The following links offer hope and support:

How to help: http://www.griefhealing.com/helping-the-grieving.htm

Death of a spouse: http://www.griefhealing.com/death-of-a-spouse-partner.htm

Try a well moderated message board. Post a request for help. I know you will get many useful responses. You need to register to use it but it is free. http://www.griefhealing.com/discussion-group.htm

Finally, I have a friend named Marty Tousley. She is a certified bereavement counselor. She may be of assistance to you. Give her a few days to answer, but I know she will respond to your heartfelt letter. Her E-mail: TousleyM@aol.com

You are grieving, too. Take care of your needs first so that you are prepared to help your sister when she is ready. Your sister is fortunate to have such a loving family.

Wishing you comfort and peace, 

Christine J.



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How complicated and individual mending is,
the time required for healing
cannot be measured against any fixed calendar
.
Mary Jane Moffat
 
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