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The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one minute to the next.
Mignon
McLaughlin
The death of a spouse or life partner is
devastating, made even more difficult because it also involves a number of legal and financial matters. Despite shock and
grief, spouses must face important decisions and some decisions need to be addressed as soon after the death as possible.
This is also true if you are the executor or co-executor of any estate. My mother lived more than a decade longer
than my father. When she died, my sister and I were left to settle her affairs. Mom made things easier for us because she
had a detailed will but that didn’t make the tasks any less final—or any less painful. It would have been much
worse for us, however, if our mother had not planned ahead.
The following list may help you think things through
at a time when it is hard to focus. Of course not everything listed here will apply to your circumstances, but it may give
you ideas on how to begin.
If you are a life partner, but not legally married or in a civil union, your rights
to inheritance are not so clear because laws vary from state to state. Please consult an estate attorney if you are a life partner with inheritance questions. The ten steps below pertain to surviving spouses
but can also be adapted to adult children with the duty of settling their parents' estate.
Ten Things to Take Care of Right Away:A Financial Checklist1. Request 10-12 certified copies of the death certificate from the funeral director so that you will
be able to file insurance and Social Security claims and retitle joint accounts.
2. Locate important papers and
documents including insurance policies, business agreements, income tax forms, bankbooks, online passwords and ID codes, military
records and membership cards. Any of these may entitle you to benefits that you do not know about now.
3. If you
are the beneficiary of a life insurance policy, notify your agent to file a claim, and contact Social Security to file for
benefits. If your spouse was a veteran, notify the Veterans Administration to apply for benefits, if applicable.
4. Contact your spouse’s Employee Benefits Office and discuss any final compensation coming to you, as well as life
insurance, pension, profit sharing benefits, and accident insurance, if this applies to your situation.
5. Locate
your spouse’s will and request that your lawyer take steps to begin the probate process.
6. If your spouse had a safe deposit box in his
or her own name, ask your lawyer about the proper way to retrieve its contents, since laws differ from state to state.
7. Did your spouse belong to any unions, professional or financial organizations, alumni associations, or other groups?
If so, write to each one because membership might entitle you to death benefits, usually through a group life insurance policy.
8. Gather together the paperwork for outstanding debts and promissory notes. Check with the lenders to see of any
debts carried an insurance rider that would pay the debt in full at your loved one's death.
9. Have your spouse’s
name removed from all joint accounts, investments and joint property, including the titles to any vehicles. This one was especially
hard for my sister and me because Mom loved her car. The symbolism of having our mother's name removed from the car title
made her death feel oh-so final. You may want a trusted friend or family member with you for support when you remove your
loved one’s name from legal documents.
10. Cancel extra credit cards or convert them to your name.
Please don’t take any financial actions that make you feel uncomfortable or that you don’t thoroughly
understand. Never sign something without reading it first. Refer to Avoid Making Big Money Decisions for more on coping with the demands of the outside world while you grieve the death of your loved
one.
Your net worth may increase after the death of your spouse, but whether you inherit money or not, you should
revise your own estate as soon as possible, including review of your will, and changes in beneficiary designations for savings
and investment programs. Click Your Will, Your Legacy for a brief look at estate planning. Why is this the loving thing to do? Because planning now
will help your loved ones cope when the time comes to settle your estate.
Recommended Book: Barfield, Dana. My Friend Just Lost Her Husband. TBG Publishing, LLC, 2010. Edited Product Description: The loss of her husband has been described as the most difficult thing a woman ever encounters because what was once
a source of security, has disappeared into a sense of profound uncertainty. My Friend Just Lost Her Husband provides
the tools necessary to rebuild the sense of sustained security that women intrinsically seek. Written as the result of Dana
Barfield's years of experience in providing financial advice and management for widows and divorcees, it combines these
first-hand shared and observed experiences, with extensive interviews from other women who have rebuilt their lives after
the loss of their mate. My Friend Just Lost Her Husband
is unique because it the first financial book to consider topics, though seemingly unrelated to finance, that forcefully impact
financial decision making: Changes to her thinking as a result of the loss; how her grieving affects her decision making;
who is a trustworthy friend; how and why that friend must help at this time; criteria for obtaining the right financial advice;
how and why women find themselves involved in a financial or relational horror story; and dealing with taxes, health insurance
and investments. In clear and simple language, Barfield describes
the need for a benevolent friend and guide who has only the well-being of the surviving spouse and family in mind. The
author has the moral investment experience to offer solid guidance, encouragement and wise support. He understands the emotional
shock and crisis of the sudden death of a spouse, with insight into the issues of vulnerability. Barfield offers safeguards
that protect the new widow from the greedy, clever and persuasive offers of help from persons intent on diverting assets from
the spouse [and family] into their own accounts through deception.
Go to next page: When Valerie Died
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